You’ve been through a lot. You’ve seen amazing highs and dreadful lows. And you injected this into your protagonist, as you should.
In your novels, you crafted world’s that pieces of you could survive. That’s a powerful testament to the life you were given.
Yes, you may have killed off characters, but those deaths served a purpose to your storyline. Sometimes, those are pieced of your life which needed purging. If the good guy does away with the bad guy, the good guy is triumphant. Your story may be more complex than that; there may be ambiguous feelings and tragedy interwoven in the characters who leave the story, but you’ll probably find triumph, too.
Wishing you a life of triumphs through tragedies.
Keep writing and keep sharing! – Cronin Detzz